Conor L.

Litter of 9 Puppies Prove Shelter Dog is a Total Slut, Not Worthy of Christian Home

Conor L.
Litter of 9 Puppies Prove Shelter Dog is a Total Slut, Not Worthy of Christian Home

Article by Maylin Pavletic

CHICKASAW COUNTY, MS:

A local animal shelter has been disgraced yet again by the actions of a four-legged guest. Yesterday morning at 8:04am, a female dog by the name of Ping-Pong presented a raucous display of unfathomable proportions. Within a mere matter of minutes, not one, not two, but nine sinful puppies popped out of her organ thing near the anus doctors refer to as a “vagina.”

“It’s not the action that disgusts me, it is the actions that lead to that action,” declared Jubb Bloor, noted cable access personality. “If she had puppies, that can only mean one thing: she had sex. That’s basic biology, folks. Having sex means you ain’t no virgin—how can you trust a thing like that? And of course she is gunna expect us to pick up the bill and take care of her young. Classic example of welfare abuse.”

 

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And Bloor is not the only one from Chickasaw County up in arms.

“This dog has no place in any Christian household,” scoffed Claudia Krebs, local mom and regional tap dance coach. “A mere 5 years old and she’s already offering up her goods to the latest passerby at that slut hut [locals’ new nickname/sick burn for the humane society]. I waited until I was 11 years old, and MARRIED, to let anyone see my musky Shroud of Turin. But apparently this little hussy operates on a different set of principles.”

It goes without saying justice officials are looking into whether or not this dog of ill repute harbors Sharia Law sympathies.

Although the shelter claims it has done nothing wrong, locals remain skeptical. It should be noted that this is the second assault on Christian values seen at this institution in 2017 alone. Their so-called “Save a Life, Adopt a Pet” event 9 months ago came to a crashing halt when a male dog humped another of the same sex--a blatant display of the homosexual agenda. It has been reported that at least one witness to the event in question hanged himself shortly afterward, preferring death to a life filled with flashbacks of such unbridled, rhythmic passion.